I dont really have a central focus for this blog. Lately I have had building urges to write. I prefer to hand write my thoughts, and I do keep little notebooks and journals, but overall I am not very productive because I usually have too much on my mind, and I wont finish my thoughts. It is probably a time thing, it takes longer to write everything out on paper, so I tend to get discouraged without even really thinking about it. But I still do write out some things. Paper allows for some things that this doesn’t. I have considered getting a typewriter, an old fashioned kind. I always liked the look of it.
I write about a lot of things. I strive to not be too systematic about it, not to worry too much about the raw form, just get it out, but its a continuing struggle. I worry too much, about how the words come across. I find that funny because I have no one in mind who would read any of it, but it’s always a possibility.
I just turned 27, and I don’t know if 27 is a weird age for anyone else, but it is a bit to me. 25-27 have been weird years, but not necessarily in a bad way. I don’t think it’s just the age thing, but circumstances and how my life has played out. I think I have been in a sort of whirlwind the last few years, with so much going on I didn’t really see time passing. So I find 27 to be a weird age, mainly because I feel I have changed a lot in a short time, or perhaps, I have changed a lot over a long period of time, but I am realizing it only now, in a rapid fashion. Parts of it are unsettling, but mostly I have enjoyed a somewhat new state of mind.
I can’t say for sure what I will write about. I have a lot of interests, such as politics, philosophy, history. I am also a huge lover of film and have been watching more and more movies lately, all kinds, from all decades. I work as an artist so I will inevitable discuss things in the art world, what I’m working on, and things related.
Most of all I will probably simply write about life, how I think, things that have happened to me. I think my desire to write deals most with self reflection. Not only, how did I get here, but also where is “here” in comparison to everything else out there. Becoming an adult, I have come to find that I don’t think I could ever have imagined what being 27 would be like, the same way I cant at this moment understand at all what being 37 is going to be like. Because it’s not just about what happens from 27-37, but also, how I feel in relation to my entire past. I now have a past. As children, we don’t have much of a past. I think that this is the first time in my life that I have enough of a past that I start to question it, to figure out who I was, who am I now, and how I developed to think and feel the way I do today.
I am not a perfect person, but I will strive to be honest in these writings, because I really don’t enjoy lying to myself, I don’t see the point. I have always been fairly realistic about things. But I am also for the most part and optimist. It may seem at times I am not, but I can assure you I am. I am simply someone who is becoming less and less afraid of going deeper and deeper into the human condition, to find what exists beneath it all. Sometimes it scares the fuck out of me. But I can’t say I don’t enjoy those moments.
So I write.